The best job I've ever had was the 3 and 1/2 year therapist position I held with the counseling services unit of the Fire Department of the City of New York. What made the job so great was certainly some wonderful colleagues. There was also that incredible spirit that happens when people pull together after a disaster. But more than those things, it was "the guys." I did see some female EMS workers and officers, but the overwhelming majority of my clients were men.
For a firefighter to even come to counseling was unprecendented. Previously the counseling unit was primarily engaged in helping people with drinking problems. Now it had to cope with the single largest one day loss of life of any service other than the military. 343 members died that day. To say it was devastating to these men is severe understatement. As I came to learn, the brotherhood of the FDNY was held together by years of tradition and experience. Each of its officers, including its chiefs, came up through the ranks. Those ranks, right up through a number of chiefs, were decimated that terrible day. The grief felt thick and heavy. So many firehouse lockers empty. So many widows and kids left behind. So many hurting.
The first few weeks on the job threatened to shock and dismay me. Story after story was told to me of unspeakable sights and wrenching losses. I'd drive home feeling empty and overwhelmed, questioning if I was up to really helping these people or had much to offer them. Then I experienced something I count as a grace..... I began to connect with these men. Many of them shared my ethnic and religious background. They seemed to get it that I had immense respect for them and what they did. I didn't talk down to them (how could I?) or judge them or pretend I knew exactly what they were going through. The respect and compassion I felt didn't have to be forced. What a privilege and an honor it seemed to me to walk with these guys through their dark days and be able to sometimes ease their journey.
The take-away from this for me is a name I would offer for the experience we term "God." That name is connection, or to give it a more active note, connecting. Some of the proudest and most grateful moments I've ever felt was to have one of these firefighters or EMS workers leave the office after a session, visibly relieved, often saying something like, "Thanks. I feel better." That's the closest I may ever get to feeling like I was a channel for Higher Power to help heal someone. In the connection is the healing, I say. The magic, the power, the "juice" of those healing encounters is to me an experience of God. In this light, God is what connects us, allows us to be connecting. Can you think of a better embodiment of Love?
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