REFLECTIONS OF A 9-11 THERAPIST

(Adapted from a talk I'm giving today to fellow therapists on Long Island)

     This day is sacred as perhaps no other day in our time because it connects us to our deepest principles and values as Americans. This day unites us a union of diverse peoples. This day calls us to wrestle with the deepest questions we have as human beings. 9-11 has been a national trauma and our uncertain and sometimes faltering recovery has also yielded a national renewal across many divides. In the helping professions, one deep aspect of this renewal has been a resurgence in attention to matters of the spirit in the therapeutic process. These few thoughts, born in the experience of working with several hundred First Responders, represent a distilling of one practitioner's experience. I offer them to you to strengthen myself, to encourage my colleagues, and to offer to those who fell and those who are still wounded by this day a testimony that their sacrifices will continue to yield lessons and blessings for years to come.

     1. I am forever changed by the stories I heard, the stories I hold, and the stories that burn in my brain. The secondary trauma of listening to survivors hurts, to be sure, but also holds the gift of being able to use that experience to CONNECT with them.
     2. The connection is the key. My respect for the survivor and the empathy I communicate gives him or her the confidence that I can help.
     3. The wound is painful beyond words. I choose when to speak and when to be silent very carefully.
     4. Every bit of my own life helps me connect with survivors. "It's all good."
     5. The courage to open up about the pain comes from the pain. Survivor's pain has to count for something or be meaningless. I look to my own experiences of recovery from deep wounds as a source of hope.
     6. My ability to stay with pain and not "flinch" mirrors a survivor's ability to "get the job done," and can be a connecting point [like "method" acting -- tap into my own times of courage and resilience to meet the client in his/her heart].
     7. The same God will not survive the trauma. But that can open one to Mystery, truth at a deeper and more real level than before.....
     8. Spirituality is a fluid, multi-colored canvas that can shift in an eye-blink for me and the survivor. Perhaps the most important key is attention to the moment (mindfulness) for both myself and the client. Stories, fictional and not (all the arts, really), are an important resource for mindfulness.
     9. The "performance" that is my work as a therapist needs a 100%commitment (especially on days when I feel 40%) -- sometimes I have to "fake it 'til I make it."
     10. My confidence that I can help communicates and strengthens the survivor at his/her weakest moments. (A 12-Step tip: if you need some faith, borrow some of mine.)
     11. I am a container, a human repository of some of the most precious and painful memories available. I have to hold those memories with respect and care. I also have to release them (I need self-care and the support of supervision).
     12. The ultimate gift of trauma may be the compassion it awakens in each of us for each other's pain. Remember the Amish saying: A grief held is doubled. A grief shared is cut in half."